The End of Another School Year

So, the last few days have me thinking about the last 10 months of school.  I always get like this at this time of year.  It's kind of like when New Years Eve gets close and you go over all the good things, bad times, milestones, tears, and laughs.  

The school years started out really rough with Matthew ending up in the hospital with pneumonia.  We spent over a week in the hospital and then some recovery time at home.  I remember feeling so helpless watching him struggle to breathe in the hospital.  It was like watching him struggle for breath after he was born and had the cord wrapped around his neck three times.  All that came flashing back and there isn't anything you can do but sit there and watch.  With lots of prayers, tender loving care from the hospital staff and strong medicine he began to recover and I was so relieved to be home again with everyone.  

Then came OCTOBER and everything blew up again with Kailee being admitted into the hospital for behavior issues.  That day will forever be completely vivid in my head.....from the very morning till the emotional breakdown I had leaving her at the hospital that night.  I'm not sure how I came through that, but I know I never prayed and cried so much in my ENTIRE LIFE.  I never left her side when she wasn't well and now I wasn't allowed to stay with her.  I would have slept on the floor outside the door if they let me, but I knew I had to be strong for Matthew and Jeffrey.   I REMEMBER EVERYTHING, what I ate, where I shopped when I wasn't allowed to visit, what I brought her to eat, the games we played, the hours spent waiting for a phone call home from her while I worked at my new job, the book I read in the car.   As I drove home the second night she was in the hospital the song "Angel" by Celine Dion and R. Kelly came on and it took on such a different meaning for me.  That is now my song from me to Kailee.....always....Now it's been months of therapy and it seems like we may be on the other side of this storm, and you think to yourself you don't know how you are going to make it through, but you do.  And I can honestly say that if it wasn't for the love of the people around me, the countless prayers to God (and yes, my wonderful meds) and hours of therapy, I don't think I could have gotten through this.  Kailee is a handful and definitely a test of my patience, but she has a lot of great and loving qualities and I know that with maturity, more prayers and lots of guidance, there isn't anything we can't handle together.  

  Then we go back to Matthew who started showing signs of what could be Asberger's Syndrome.  And sure enough after enough appointments with specialists, we have a diagnosis....HIGH FUNCTIONING ASBERGERS SYNDROME.   I kept thinking well this is just who Matthew is....a little quirky, extremely sensitive and not just emotionally, brilliant, non-agressive, and always maintaining his awesome loving qualities.  He has had such a tough 4th grade year and it took a lot of fighting with the school, a lot of dr appointments, a lot of patience, reading and here we are coming out on the end of another storm with this awesome gift from God (that's what Matthew's name means)  He came into the world with obstacles and still faces them today but I will forever be his #1 Fan and #1 Advocate.  

Then there is my boy Jeffrey, who is MOST definitely entering the wonderful world of "PRETEEN".  I  am grateful for Jeffrey's wisdom and independence.  He's my easy kid, not always though....he cried for 9 months straight with colic, but after those 9 months, he's always been pretty easy....a little crazy, but easy.  I'm able to talk to Jeffrey about things going on in our lives in a real grown up sort of way.  There isn't anything I can't say to him and vice versa.  I'm so happy we have an open line of communication.  It makes me feel great when he asks questions about the birds and the bees and isn't afraid to do it, cause he knows I'm going to give him a straight age appropriate answer.  Aside of worrying about Matthew and Kailee, I believe he's had a good 5th grade year.  I'm thankful that he has surrounded himself with good kids for friends.  And when he plays the saxophone I know my Grandfather is looking down smiling upon him.  

We still have our obstacles with the kids and we have another one we are climbing right now.  As I said in my last post, rather than praying the obstacles away, I tell them to move aside.  There are easy days and there are some incredibly difficult days.  My faith is stronger and leaving the Catholic Church was the best thing I could have done for me and our family.  My beliefs haven't changed, but my faith in God has changed me. You see, this whole story was already written and scripted for me by God and it has brought me here to this very moment of solitude. Writing this brings me peace of mind and maybe something I say, will bring peace of mind to a friend who reads this,...putting words to paper, well, it does something for the soul.  Hearing that little voice when I'm in Church or praying or reading a devotional, well, that's God's Grace talking to me and I'm finally ready to listen, hear it, and embrace it.  

Today's Aha Moment

So, I love my job and it's definitely not an accident that I'm here, working doing what I love and surrounded by some incredible people.

My good friend came up to me today and said..."So, And....how are things today?"  I said..."Better, church really helped on Sunday".
She looked at me and simply said, "Stop praying about your Mountain and start Talking to your Mountain".  And this is coming from a truly spiritual, religious woman.  But what she said was so right on.  Some times instead of praying for something to go away, tell it to go away, make it your will to go away.  Talk about an "AHA" Moment right smack in the middle of the day!  She has my back when I need it and it's not the first time.  Her prayers have been working in my life since October.  She is my kindred spirit, an angel who was meant to walk in my path.

She always reminds me that our purpose for being here changes all the time.  One day we are needed for one thing,  and the next day something or someone else needs us or vice versa.

I just need to remember that everything happens for a reason and everything has a purpose under God.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

In a nutshell, there is a time to cry, to be happy, to be alone, to be together, to laugh.........and there always is a time to grateful.  We just have to know the big picture is already there, we just have to keep looking for it.  Sometimes what you need/want, has been there all the time.